Broken Wings
by angel-death-dealer
Summary: Sawyer's been reunited with the person he got on the plane with. How will this change his character to how the others originally viewed him? Please R&R, much better than it sounds!
1. Island Tales

Two months had passed on the island, and for some reason, Sawyer was becoming grumpier each day. With every passing hour, he sank further and further into himself. He no longer made excuses to accompany Kate and the others into the jungle, and prefered only to stay in his tent all day long, appearing only for a swim, and for some food. Adventures around the camp had been scarce. No one had disappeared, no one had been taken, no one had been found, and there was nothing to do. So it wasn't like he was making himself useless on purpose.

Kate remembered when she had found Sawyer sitting with that letter, and then she had watched in secret as he burnt it, but now, whenever she saw him, he was staring at another peice of paper. This one was smaller, perhaps a photograph like she saw Sayid looking at sometimes. She had asked countless times what was wrong with him, but even she had gotten no answer. She figured he was just angry at her because she was with Jack now.

Only Sawyer knew how much guilt was on that paper though. A photograph of the one person in life that he had left before he crashed. The last person he felt he could fully love. As far as he was aware, she had died in the crash. He had searched for her in the aftermath, even for a trace of her, but nothing was there. Not her belongings, not her. Every splatter of blood he had seen, he had dreaded it to be from her. He had disappeared into the forest at night, calling her name, hoping to hear a returning call, but had heard nothing. Now, after two months, he had been forced to accept the truth: she was gone.

So he let everyone believe he was on the plane alone. No one had asked him who he was with, so he hadn't told them. He kept himself to himself, and spread everyone elses secrets instead. He'd tell them every detail of his life if it meant that he could see her again though.

Nothing had happened, and he didn't expect it to now. He knew that Kate had disappeared the night before, and that she hadn't returned, so Jack and the others were organising a search team. He knew he should go, for Kate, but she had Jack now now, she didn't need him. So he got the shock of his life when Kate came stumbling out of the jungle one day; covered in mud, looking terrified, with someone he had long given up on..


	2. Hold Me Close

He had sat against a tree that morning, on the edge of the jungle. This particular part jutted out onto the beach more, so that he could clearly see everyone else on the beach, giving him a fair warning to walk away or put his defenses up whenever someone came near. Jack had been the first person to come over to him. Sawyer didn't even raise his eyes to look at him from the picture in his hands.

"Can I help you, Doc?" He said bitterly, knowing that he had no intention of helping him if it involved moving, thinking, or good causes.

"Kate. Have you seen her?" He asked desperately. It was obvious that he had been running around, and it gave Sawyer a kick to see him so worried, or at least, it would have done had he not been so emotionally depressed.

"Freckles? Not since yesterday." Sawyer told him.

"What time?" Jack asked.

"I dunno, Jack-ass, my watch stopped working in the water a few weeks back." Sawyer spat back sarcastically. "Sometime in the morning."

Jack rested his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"What're you getting so worked up for anyway? Ain't she usually trotting along ten feet behind you, tending to your every beck and call?"

Jack shot Sawyer a nasty look before shaking his head. "She went missing yesterday."

Now Sawyer looked up. "Missing?" Jack had known that Sawyer would care about that. He knew that one of the main disputes between him and Sawyer now wasn't hero against villian, it was because Kate had chosen Jack, and not Sawyer. But they all knew that Sawyer still wanted her.

"Went into the jungle to get some fruit, never came back." Jack explained breathlessly.

"Maybe she couldn't find any." Sawyer suggested.

"There's a perfectly good supply ten minutes from the caves." Jack reminded.

Sawyer smirked to himself. "Maybe she got bored with digging in...with being your Eve."

Jack resisted the temptation to hit Sawyer, but knew that he needed to find Kate primarily. "Are you going to help or what?" Jack asked.

Sawyer shook his head. "She'll come back when she's good and ready, Jack-O. Can't push a girl like Freckles."

Jack stalked off and went to find Sayid at Sawyer's guess. When something went wrong, that was what Jack did: went to find Kate, then Sayid, then organised a search party or some kind of little culty team who were in on all the secrets. Seeing as Kate wasn't here, he just assumed that Sayid was next on his list. Sawyer watched Jack disappear into the crowd and returned his eyes to the photograph in his hands.

"You're not the only one looking for someone..." He muttered to himself.

* * *

By the time the sun was setting, Jack had given up on everyone's attempts to get him to wait, and Sawyer sat in the same spot, watching him assemble his precious little search team. He would have gone with them, but he knew that with Jack there, she didn't need or want him to rescue her. She only cared about the doctor now. Jack was frantic about Kate spending another night away from camp, with no clue to her whereabouts all day, and it had ended up being Sayid, Locke, Michael and Charlie going with him to try and find her.

Sawyer shook his head. They should have listened to him...Kate would come back when she was ready to, and no sooner.

He turned back to his book, now reading Watership Down for the seventh time, using his photograph as a bookmark, remembering how _she _liked rabbits. The smallest things were reminding him of her now. It was ridiculous. He had just gotten back into the chapter when a yell caused him to look up.

"KATE!"

It was Jack's voice, and Sawyer lifted his head to see Kate emerging from the trees about twenty feet away from him. Jack still halfway down the beach, and was running full pelt towards her already, but Sawyer's gaze turned to who Kate was with.

There was a little girl in Kate's arms. Little more than a baby. She had whispy blonde hair that was swaying in the wind, and was bawling her eyes out. Why hadn't he heard it before? He probably had, and assumed it was Claire's baby. He struggled to his feet and ran over just as fast as Jack was, but now Jack was already there.

Kate had fallen to the floor, and was on her knees in the sand, crying, traumatised. Sawyer approached slowly, unsure of what to do now. Kate was covered in scratches, blood, bruises, you name it. There was a cut on the little girl's head, and Sawyer was filled with anger. He could hear Jack talking.

"Kate? Kate, I'm here, I'm right next to you. Talk to me, Kate, what's going on."

But she was saying nothing. The kid started crying again, and Sawyer walked past Jack, and took the little girl in his arms, held her close, and then sunk to the ground beside the pair of them, and cried his eyes out.


	3. Father Time

Sawyer couldn't remember a time he had cried to hard, in front of other people. He had been angry at first, the depressed, and now the tears had come, just when he had got her back. He buried her face against his shoulder, and leaned his head down so that no one could see his tears, but it was a futile attempt because half the camp was now crowding round and they could all hear his sobs.

"Sawyer?" Jack asked.

Sawyer ignored him, and pulled away from the little girl. He rocked her a little, and she looked up at him. The girl recognised him, and reached out for him again. He pulled her close, for once, not caring what anyone thought or was saying. "Shh..." He comforted. "It's Ok, baby, it's Ok." Then came the two words that shocked everyone. "Daddy's here."

* * *

The nearest available tent was Sawyer's, and Jack moved Kate there so that he could clean her up. Jack told Sawyer to follow him as well, so that he could check the girl. Kate wasn't exactly unconscious, but she was oblivious to the world, and wasn't aware of what was happening around her, so Jack had to carry her into Sawyer's shelter. While Jack laid Kate down on the airline chair that Sawyer used for a bed, Sawyer sat down against a peice of fuselage and cradled the little girl who had stopped crying now.

Jack had his medical supplies ready from the search party he had organised, fearing the worst, and emptied his bag on the sands, bringing out the peroxide so that he could see the full extent of the damage. Kate didn't even wince as he applied the liquid that usually stung her skin. She just stared into space, not looking at anyone, not seeing anything but what was going on in her head.

After cleaning her up, and learning that it was only scratches and bruises that he could do nothing more with, Jack turned to Sawyer. He was about to speak when he simply watched him instead, seeing a side to Sawyer that he had never seen before. He saw tracing the infants face, all the cuts and bruises, and wiping away the tears that had fallen down her face.

"Sawyer..." Jack started, and Sawyer finally looked at him. "I need to take a look at her." He said, and Jack knelt on the ground beside Sawyer and the little girl. Sawyer tried to turn the little girl in his lap so that she was facing towards Jack and he could get a look at her injuries. She sat still while he made sure there were no breaks or fractures, but when he tried to apply the peroxide to the cut on her head she shyed away and hid against Sawyer.

"Come on, baby, the doctor needs to help you." Sawyer said to her, but she shook her head.

"No. Hurts Daddy." She said in a painful whine.

Sawyer rubbed her back. "I know, baby, I know, but this will only hurt for a minute, and then it won't hurt anymore, Ok?" She nodded, and allowed Sawyer to turn her back around without a fuss.

She started crying when Jack put the peroxide on her, really screaming in pain, and when Jack put it down, Sawyer held onto her to calm her down. Jack returned to Kate for a moment, and tried to get her to move.

"Kate? Kate, honey, can you hear me?" He said, moving a pen infront of her face. Her eyes made no move to follow it in which ever direction he moved it in. Her eyes started to droop. "Come on, Kate, stay with me!" She made no effort to attemp to stay awake, and her eyes fell closed. Jack checked her pulse yet another time, and then sat back in the sand, between Sawyer and Kate. She wasn't in a coma, she was just asleep.

"She Ok?" Sawyer asked, as the little girl settled into a sleep in his arms.

Jack looked at Kate before back to Sawyer. "Honestly, I don't think so. Physically, yes. Just a few scratches, bruises, nothing that won't heal in a few days. She's in shock from something, from whatever happened out there. She's not responding to anything, which is my main concern, because we need to know what happened to her and...uhh..." He gestured towards the little girl.

"Oh, Ella." Sawyer said, realising that he hadn't once said the infants name yet.

"...To her and Ella," Jack continued. "If there's something out there that's a danger to us, then we need to be prepared." There was a silence between them and Sawyer turned his attention back to Ella. "So...she's your daughter?" Jack asked.

Sawyer nodded. "Yeah, she's my daughter." He replied.

"She's beautiful." Jack said.

Sawyer smiled proudly. "Thanks. Gets that from her Mom, not me."

"You can see you in her." Jack corrected. "With that stubborn streak."

Surprisingly, Sawyer didn't jump defensively, he was just happy to have his daughter back. "I'd given up on her, you know." He said, and Jack frowned in confusion. "On finding her. After two months I thought I would be useless to keep on hoping that she was still out there. Then there was the stuff with Mike and Claire's kids, I dunno, somethin' in me that had been holding on just gave up."

He didn't know why he was opening up to Jack, but he figured that he could, seeing as he had helped Ella.

"Where is she?" Jack asked. "Her Mom?"

Sawyer sighed. "She-She's gone. Died giving birth to Ella." That day still haunted him, the day when Brianna had died. "Nearly lost Ella that day to. They saved her, but there was nothing they could do for Brianna."

"You raised her yourself?" Jack asked.

"Well, didn't have no one else around I could ask for help."

Jack felt a sudden respect for Sawyer that he never had done before. This man, this outlaw, this outsider, had dealt with loosing the mother of his baby, and then raised a baby on his own to become what appeared to be a healthy, well loved child.

"Besides, I love her, and that was enough for both of us. We had each other." Sawyer continued. It was strange for Jack to hear Sawyer talking of love, of protection, but it was rolling off Sawyer's tongue naturally.

Jack watched the way that Sawyer interacted with his sleeping daughter, how he cradled her, smoothed the little hair she had. For a moment, it seemed that Sawyer had become on of them - a survivor - a human being, even.

"It was her birthday yesterday." Sawyer muttered. "Two years old." He had missed her birthday, after he had promised that they would go to Disneyland and she could see Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty just like she watched them on television. There was the other one, the one she watched all the time, what was it? Tarzan! She loved him to sing the songs to her, that even he knew because it was always on their TV. It was that particular Phil Collins song that used to drive him insane before he had started to sing it every night. "Didn't even have her a present."

"Surely having her Dad back is a present enough." Jack said, before checking back on Kate, who was stirring. "Kate? Kate, can you hear me?"

Her voice was weak, but it replied "Jack?"

"Yeah, I'm here, how do you feel?"

"Tired. Weak." She said. "The girl. Ella. She here?" She asked, trying to sit up, but Jack forced her to lie back down.

"She's here, she's fine."

"She said she was on the plane with her Dad. I had to bring her back, in case someone was looking for her." Kate explained. "Can you find her father, Jack?"

Jack shook his head. "Her father already found her." He moved a little and Kate turned her head to see Sawyer sitting there.

"Hey, Freckles." He said softly.

"Sawyer?" She asked.

"Yeah. She's mine." He said.

"Kate, can you remember what happened, where you found her, anything?" Jack asked.

Kate fell silent, and then shook her head. "Someone took me. Can't remember who, but I woke up in this other camp. There were a few kids there, and women, and she came up to me, asked me if I was on the plane." Kate told them both. "She asked me if I knew her daddy, and I asked her his name, and she said she didn't know. I knew I had to get her out of there, before she turned into this zombie like the other kids."

"Zombie?" Sawyer asked, alarmed.

"They were just walking around, aimless. Not smiling, not laughing. Except her." Her eyes closed. "I'm tired, Jack. I need to sleep."

Jack smiled at her. "Go to sleep, honey." He said.

"Will you stay?" She asked him.

"Yeah." He promised, and she fell back into a deeper sleep.

He turned back to Sawyer, who was looking at him alarmed. "What were they going to do to my daughter?" He asked.


	4. Bacon Sandwiches

Ella and Kate both slept on through the night, and it was near midnight when Jack finally suggested to Sawyer that he slept. Sawyer simply looked at him with tired eyes, and shook his head. "Come on, Sawyer, you'll make yourself ill." Jack protested.

Sawyer still shook his head. "What if she wakes up?" He said, and Jack rolled his eyes when Sawyer couldn't see him. If Ella woke up, she would no doubt wake Sawyer anyway. But Jack reminded himself that the man hadn't seen his daughter for two months, and had every reason for wanting to watch over her. He was about to turn around and speak again, but when he did, he saw Sawyer's head drooped on his shoulder, fast asleep. Jack laughed inwardly, and turned back to watching Kate.

* * *

In the morning, Sawyer woke to something prodding his face. He grimaced, still slightly tired. He was just about ready to hit whoever was poking him when he opened his eyes and was met with tiny crystal blue ones. Suddenly everything came rushing back to him, Kate stumbling out of the jungle with Ella...he smiled, and hugged his daughter, kissing her forehead.

"Hey, angel." He said quietly, looking over to see Jack and Kate asleep. Jack was sitting behind Kate, and she was draped across his body, showing that she must have woken up during the night. Any other time, Sawyer would have been jealous, but his most important girl was sitting in his lap already. "God I missed you so much." He said, releasing her and putting his arms behind her so that she sat facing him.

"Missed you too, Daddy." She said chirpily.

Sawyer looked outside to see that the sun was just rising. "Want to go on the beach?" He asked her, and she nodded eagerly. Sawyer lifted her up, and carried her out of the shelter, not looking back at Jack and Kate as they continued to lay there, not noticing their eyes were now open, watching him. Even though it was early, most people were already awake and enjoying breakfasts.

Somehow, this place didn't seem so bad anymore. Sure there was a beach and a jungle, and not much else, but Ella could play on the beach, she always liked to play in the sand back home. He set her down on her feet, and she ran down towards the water. "Ella!" Sawyer called back, and she turned to him, waiting for him. He was going to tell her not to go too close to the water, but it was calm, and he had a better idea. Running up to her, he lifted her off her feet and dangled her over the water. She squealed in delight, and then Sawyer pretended to fall over backwards so that both of them landed in the water laughing, and they splashed about in the water, running in and out of the waves, letting them chase them.

Back on the beach, everyone was watching this 'new' Sawyer with his daughter. It was unlike anything ever seen before. He was laughing, enjoying himself, and more differently, taking care of someone other than himself. Over in Sawyer's shelter, Jack had risen to see what all the commotion was, and smiled, looking over at Kate. "Think you can stand up?" He asked her, and went over, taking her hand and bringing her over to the edge of the shelter.

She had to lean against him so that she didn't feel too faint or fall over, but she laughed when she saw what Jack was looking at. "Now there's something you don't see everyday." She declared.

Jack shook his head. "Maybe it will be now."

About half an hour later, Jack reappeared from the tent to see Sawyer coming back up the beach towards the shelter with Ella on his shoulders. "Morning, Jack-O." He said cheerfully.

"Hey, you eaten?" Jack asked.

Sawyer shook his head. "Naw, just about to."

"I'm taking some up to Kate, so I'll bring some up for you guys as well." Jack offered. Sawyer agreed, and took Ella back to the shelter where Kate was lying awake.

"Mornin', Freckles. Feeling Ok?" He asked, setting a soaking wet Ella down in a beach towel on a peice of tarp while he started to wade through some suitcases.

"Better than yesterday, thanks." She said softly.

Sawyer retrieved a pair of tiny jeans, and a t-shirt, which he laid out, and then changed his shirt quickly, figuring his jeans would dry out soon anyway. He took the clothes over to Ella, and started to dry her up and change her into some clean, untorn clothes. He went back over to the suitcases, and found a comb, and then proceeded to comb it through her hair. Now that it had been wet, it was easier to comb than it had looked yesterday.

"Listen, Kate," Kate looked at Sawyer, knowing that it was important because he had called her by her name rather than Freckles. "Yesterday was pretty crazy." He started.

"Yeah, it was." She agreed.

"Yeah, but I just wanted to, you know, say how much it means to me to have Ella back." He said awkwardly. "I wanted to say, uh, that is, um, thanks, Kate."

Kate smiled at him, and then looked at Ella. "You're welcome." She said.

Jack came back, and they sat and ate together. Sawyer knew how fussy Ella was with food, and told Kate and Jack to prepare themselves for an outburst, which the pair ended up finding rather funny. It just proved how like her father this girl really was.

"Daddy, don't want it." She said.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Don't like bear."

"It's boar, and it's nice." He corrected, holding a peice up to her mouth, waiting for the opportune moment to slip it in.

"Bad food." She said. "Don't taste nice. Want chocolate."

Sawyer gave her a challenging look, which she returned, and Kate burst out laughing. "Now, Ella, you know you don't have chocolate for breakfast." He told her. "There's no chocolate here, baby."

"Cereal?"

"No."

"Bacon?"

"No."

"Sandwiches."

"Not anymore."

"Bacon sandwiches?" Now Jack was laughing too, having almost choked on his food. Sawtyer directed the same dominating look on Jack, and he tried to laugh quietly. Ella smiled sweetly at him. "You do lovely bacon sandwiches, Daddy." She fluttered her eyelashes.

"Your two year old knows how to flutter her eyelashes?" Kate asked incredulously.

Sawyer looked at her. "Don't look at me, I didn't teach her." He turned back to Ella, "So you want a bacon sandwich, kiddo?" She nodded, eagerly. "Ok then." Sawyer stood up, and started to leave the tent.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked him.

Sawyer looked back at her like the was the dumbest question he had ever heard. "To get the kid a bacon sandwich."

Sawyer returned fifteen minutes later with what Jack knew to be boar stuffed between two remaining peices of bread that he must have taken ages to dig out. Ella's eyes lit up, and she took the sandwich. "Thank you, Daddy!" She ate it all, not knowing that it was boar, and then finished up. "That was the bestest bacon sandwich in the whole entire world!" She said. She hugged him and Kate fought from going "Aww."

Sawyer looked smug with himself, and allowed her to sit in his lap. Jack grinned. "Yes, Sawyer, that certainly looked like a delicious bacon sandwich." He said sarcastically.

He grinned, and Ella piped up. "The girl wants what the girl wants." She said, showing her daddy's girl quality again.

"Oh yeah?" Sawyer challenged. "Well the girl gets what Dad says she can have." He reminded.

"What can I have, Daddy?" She asked.

Sawyer smiled to himself and then kissed her forehead again. "Whatever you want, baby girl."

She laughed. "I'm not a baby, daddy." She argued.

"You'll always be my baby girl." He said, holding her close.


	5. You'll Be In My Heart

**Before I post up this chapter, I want to thank everyone who's reviewed! **

**Twin1: Don't worry, there's plenty more to come! I've got a real plot for this one. Wow, thats a first for me, a real plot!**

**Lady Oloriel: I'm glad you like the idea. It came to me funnily enough when I was sitting in school. I was meant to be concentrating on tribunals and ADR for Law, but I was more thinking about Sawyer and this story instead. Funnily enough, I started out thinking about how much I craved a bacon sandwich.**

**October Sky: Wow. I've impressed someone who's written some of the best Lost (and Jate) fanfic I've ever read, and I've creeped them out as well. Well, I creep most people out. Except Toxic-Beetle. She's just as nuts as me. Well, I'm very, um, whats the word, honoured to get a review from you!**

**Spuffyshipper: Yes! Sawyer needs to cry on the show! Long and hard! Proper sobbing! In front of everyone. Then someone should give him a hug. Sawyer could do with a hug. I like the guy, don't get me wrong, but he can be a right ass sometimes...a lot of the time...nearly all of the time. **

**Jenna: Damn you figured me out. Yes, I promise, there is a much more protective side to Sawyer than I've revealed so far. He's a proper protective guy. Real protective. Kind of not-allowed-a-boyfriend-until-you're-30 protective. Come to think about it, kind of like my Dad.**

**Toxic Beetle: I've probably already spoken to you on msn about a thousand times. Thanks for reviewing. I wrote this partly for you seeing as you like Sawyer so much. Don't worry, updates are coming. I don't want any more threats coming from you about what happens when I don't update! Besides, you'll like this chapter, it has Tarzan in it. (For anyone curious about the Tarzan references, it's because of a fan video I saw by Mir which replaced Tarzan with Sawyer and Jane with Kate. Now I'm not a Skate shipper, but MAN that was funny!)**

**Meagan4dominic: I'm so happy that you find it cute! So far I'm halfway through replying to my reviews and I've managed to do creepy, protective, funny, emotional, and cute. checks list only emotional torture and mutilation to go! Only kidding! I won't cut anyone's head off or anything.**

**Koolkerry25: I can assure you safely that I will not be making ANYONE kill Ella. How any of them could have it in their hearts to kill that innocent little girl even if she was a zombie...she'd be a cute zombie. If you think this is a little bizaare, check out my other fic, Fallen From Grace. I've turned Kate into a 4 year old. You can't get weirder than that.**

**Gorgeous Nick Stokes: Sawyer would be a brilliant Daddy, I agree. Just because he's a complete £&$" to everyone else doesn't mean that he can't be a good Daddy :D**

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The rest of the day passed similarly. The entire camp were astounded again with many displays of Sawyer being a responsible adult. Kate continued to rest in Sawyer's tent, which Sawyer had said she could use until she was strong enough to go back to her's and Jack's tent, which was always kept as their own for when it was too late to make the walk back to the caves, or when they just wanted a night away from sleeping on rocks. Not that sleeping on sand was much better of course. Kate had found it rather amusing at first to see Sawyer being so kind to everyone - including Jack! Although everytime he did something nice, she wondered how long it would be until something caused him to slip up again...

That evening, Sawyer sat around the fire with the rest of the survivors for once, rather than keeping to himself and disappearing into his shelter as soon as he had eaten. After a desperate struggle, he had gotten Ella to eat boar, and although everyone within hearing distance had found it funny when she said it had tasted like bacon, only Sawyer, Jack and Kate knew the real reason why. Kate and Jack went back to Sawyer's shelter, Kate to sleep and Jack to watch over her, and their places beside Sawyer was soon filled with Claire and her infant, Aaron.

Aaron was about two weeks old now, at Sawyer's guess. "Hey." Sawyer greeted as she sat down, the sleeping baby in her arms.

"Sawyer, can I ask you something?" She asked, positioning Aaron so that he was lying comfortably. He nodded. "Why didn't you say you had a daughter?" She asked.

Sawyer looked over to where, a few feet away, Shannon was braiding Ella's hair. The girl seemed to have taken a liking to Shannon, who was more than happy to pamper the child. "Because I'd given up." Sawyer answered eventually, watching his child. He felt more able to open up to Claire than he had done with Jack the night before. After all, Claire was the only other person he knew on this island that was a parent herself.

"When the plane went down, I lost her. I searched for days, but couldn't find anything except her luggage." He started, Claire, it seemed, was more than happy to listen to his story. "I kept it, hoping that I'd find her. Every day I watched the beach, waiting to hear her laughing, telling me that I was being silly for being so worried about her. At night I'd go into the jungle, knowing that she'd be scared out there alone, hoping that I'd hear her and be able to find her. But she didn't show up. Eventually, I realised that a two year old couldn't survive on her own out there, and I knew I had to give up, and accept that she wasn't coming back." Sawyer felt tears coming to his eyes again, but forced them back. He had cried infront of them before, he wasn't about to do it again. "Then that French chick started talking about Others. About people out there wanting the kids. Thats when I got really scared. I thought for sure that she was...that she was dead. Then, well, stone me if Kate doesn't disappear and come back with Ella in her arms." Sawyer said.

Claire had tears in her eyes herself when Sawyer looked at her. "I knew there was something that taught you how to be so good with kids. Like the way you are with Aaron." She said. Sawyer smirked, taking it as a compliment as they both laughed, if only to release the tension. "So, do they get easier as they grow up?" She asked.

Sawyer grinned. "Only if you have one heck of a Disney collection." He told her.

"Well, scrap that idea." Claire said. "Besides, I think he's a bit young to be sat infront of the television...I think he's a bit young to be sitting." She reminded.

Sawyer shook his head though, "He's not too young to hear the songs." He suggested.

"I don't know any off the top of my head." Claire told him honestly. "I don't even think I've seen half of them."

Sawyer looked at her incredulously. "You don't know any of the songs?" He asked her. She shook her head. "Not even 'Beauty and the beast?"

"Nope."

"The Bare Necessities?"

"Nope. Sawyer, how do you know all of these?" Claire asked accusingly. "Guilty pleasures?"

Sawyer laughed, caught out. "Ella loves them. Makes me sing them to her every night before she falls asleep." He admitted.

"Disney songs?" She asked.

"Yeah. Or if that fails, she's a real Bon Jovi fan." Sawyer informed.

Claire laughed. Ella came over and sat back with Sawyer, now with little tiny braids tied with elastic bands that Shannon had in her vanity bag. "God, girl, you're gonna be a curly when these come out." Sawyer said.

Ella smiled. "Yeah. Shannon said it will look pretty."

"You always look pretty." Sawyer said.

"Yeah. But _really really _pretty." She said. "Really pretty like Mommy."

Ella had only ever seen pictures of her mother, Brianna. Brianna had had curly hair, the same sandy colour but thick and curly. Ella's was thinner, like his own, but had a slight wave to it. There was one particular picture that Ella had by her bed of Brianna, where she was laughing at something, with her long curly hair cascading down her back, and Ella always wanted to have hair like her mother.

"Yeah." Sawyer said sadly. "You'll look just like your Mommy."

Claire noted the sad look on Sawyer's face when he spoke of Ella's mother. She was about to say something, when Ella yawned.

"Someone's tired." Sawyer teased her, forgetting his sadness, or at least, it had disappeared from his voice.

"I'm not tired." She said through her yawn.

"Nice try, kiddo." He said, standing up and lifting her up. "Come on, lets get you to bed."

When they got back to the shelter, both Jack and Kate were still awake. He set Ella down on the makeshift bed he had made for her that afternoon, glad to see that she found it comfortable. When he sat down, looking down at her, he had his back facing to the couple behind him. Ella was fighting still, saying that she wasn't tired. Sawyer usually had this struggle with her every night, where she would get tired and moan, and complain, and then the tears would come, then she would hug him, and fall asleep within minutes.

"Don't want to go to sleep." She said stubbornly.

"You need to, baby. Otherwise you won't be able to play tomorrow, you'll be too tired." He told her. She pouted. "Now come on, a little bit of sleep will be good for you." He said.

"Song." She said. Sawyer held back a groan. Jack and Kate were laying behind him, well within hearing distance of everything the two said, and she was playing the song card with him.

"Maybe tomorrow, baby." He said, not wanting to sing around Kate or Jack.

"Daddy..." She whined, and then she started crying. "Tarzan song..."

Knowing that Jack and Kate were trying to sleep behind him, he lifted her up off the bed, and stood outside the doorway, looking out onto the sea. It was full tonight, reflecting over the sea with a bright glow. People were still over at the fire, and probably would be for some time. Ella didn't stop crying, even with his attempts at rocking her and comforting her. Eventually, Sawyer knew that there was only one thing that would stop her crying. He listened over her cried. Jack and Kate were talking, people at the fire were talking. Check. He softly started singing that Phil Collins song she loved so much.

"_Come stop your crying, it will be all right.  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
I will protect you, from all around you.  
I will be here, don't you cry."_

Already her crying was reduced to sniffles, but Sawyer knew from experience that if he quit here, she would start up again, so he kept singing.

"_For one so small, you seem so strong.  
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm.  
This bond between us, can't be broken.  
I will be here, don't you cry._

_'Cause you'll be in my heart,  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more.  
You'll be in my heart,  
No matter what they say.  
You'll be here in my heart, always._

_Why can't they understand the way we feel?  
They just don't trust what they can't explain.  
I know we're different, but, deep inside us,  
We're not that different at all._

_You'll be in my heart.  
Yes you'll be in my heart.  
From this day on, now and forever more._

_Don't listen to them, cause what to do they know?  
We need eachother, to have, to hold,  
They'll see in time, I know.  
When destiny calls you, you must be strong,  
I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on.  
They'll see in time, I know, we'll show them together. _

'Cause you'll be in my heart.  
Believe me, you'll be in my heart.  
I'll be there from this day on, now and forever more.

Just look over your shoulder,  
Just look over your shoulder,  
I'll be there,  
Always."

Looking down, Sawyer saw that Ella had fallen asleep. Smiling to himself, he walked back into the tent, laying her down without looking at either of it's other occupants.

"Sawyer," Kate began, "That was..."

He interrupted her hastily. "You didn't hear a thing."

She sighed. "I was going to say that was really sweet." She said.

"Besides," Jack said. "We're not the only ones you want to convince with a Jedi mind trick." Jack told him. "The whole camp out there heard in the end. I guess that's what happens when you sing and the wind carries it down the beach."_  
_


	6. Bang Bang, My Baby Shot Me Down

After the embarassment that breakfast had been after Sawyer's concert the night before, he had managed to get away from people quoting his and Ella's song. He was still trying to escape Charlie and Jack, who, given that he didn't know that the doctor had such a playful immature side until that morning, had taken to calling him Tarzan. Sawyer, who had actually seen that Disney film well over fifty times in the past year, made sure not to correct them on the fact that the song was designed for Kala, the female ape, to sing to Tarzan when he was a baby. However, he didn't want them to start calling him "ape-man" or "Kala", so he was sticking with "monkey-man" "leopard-print-loincloth-wearer" and "Tarzan". He was dead sure that Kate wanted to see him in a leopard print loincloth though. Dead sure.

With that thought in mind, he sat and watched Ella playing on the beach. The tide was far out that morning, and she was wandering along the calm shore line, picking up shells and humming to herself. Just like he had told her, her hair was extremely curly from Shannon's braids, and just like she had told him, she looked just like her mother. She ran back up the beach occassionally to show Sawyer her shells, and he would smile and tell her how pretty they were before she ran back down with that precious smile on her face.

Sawyer thought back to Brianna, to the last time he had seen her alive.

_It had been a hectic day. Sawyer had spent all morning with Brianna and her parents, who had insisted on seeing their daughter before they returned to their home in L.A, which was far away considering Sawyer and Brianna lived together in Tennessee. Then, just as her parents were getting read to head on home, Brianna had gone into labour. It had been a panic to get her to the hospital. And then before he knew it, Sawyer was sat in the waiting room with Brianna's parents, waiting for news._

_He hadn't been allowed into the delivery room with her, because of some complications with the birth. This had Sawyer worrying. Was Brianna Ok? Was the baby Ok? What was happening? One moment, when he checked his watch, it was 8.42pm on November 22nd. Next, it was 4.16am, on November 23rd. _

_Someone came out of the delivery room and looked around. "Mr Ford?" She asked, and Sawyer stood up. "Mr Ford, I'm afraid I have some bad news." She said, coming over to him._

_"Is the baby Ok?" He asked._

_"Your baby is fine, Mr Ford, your fiancee had a healthy baby girl, and she's doing just fine." The midwife assured._

_"And...Brianna?"_

_"I'm afraid that because of complications, we are unable to stop the bleeding." _

_Sawyer's face fell from the smile that had formed from learning about his new daughter. "What does that mean?" He assumed that Brianna's parents knew, because her mother had gasped and when Sawyer looked around, her father was comforting her mother with his own solemn expression. "She's gonna be Ok, right?"_

_The nurse was silent for a moment. "Mr Ford, I'm very sorry, but there's nothing more we can do for her."_

_"What?" He said with a strangled sound. "Nothing you can do? You mean...she's...she's gonna...there has to be something!" He argued._

_"I'm sorry, Mr Ford, but we've done all we can. She wants to see you. I advise that you spend her last minutes with her."_

_"Minutes?"_

_"Yes, Mr Ford, there isn't much time left." The nurse said and disappeared into the delivery room again. _

_Sawyer stood for a moment, before turning back to Brianna's parents. Brianna couldn't die, she just couldn't. He couldn't raise this baby on his own. What did he know about parenting? He had lost his at eight. All he knew was never kill himself and his child's mother. Brianna's father nodded at him. "Go on, son, go to her."_

_Sawyer didn't say anything, but went into the delivery room. He had expected that when he had entered this room, he would hear a baby crying, and then see Brianna smiling, and holding their baby. But instead, while he could hear the baby crying, Brianna was lying back on the bed, looking tired and extremely pale. He went to her side, sitting on the bed edge and picked up her hand. _

_"Brianna?" He asked. She focused her tired eyes on him._

_"Hey, you had a girl." She said. _

_"No, Bree, we had a girl. We had a little girl." He corrected._

_Weakly, she shook her head. "Let's not play games now, James." She said to him. "We both know that I'm not gonna see her grow up." _

_Sawyer actually felt tears coming to his eyes. Brianna had been the only woman he had ever felt real love for. "You can't leave me, Bree. I can't do this on my own."_

_"You wanted a girl." Brianna said. "I bet she looks beautiful." _

_"Don't go, Bree. Don't leave me." Sawyer said, a tear escaping and running down his face. _

_"You'll do fine." She assured him, her voice sounding distant "Remember, it's a girl, so you get to name her. I love you." She whispered. _

_"Love you too." Sawyer said, choked as he watched her take her final breaths before her chest finally stopped moving. "No, No Brianna. Come on, open your eyes. No!"_

_"Mr Ford, would you like to see your daughter?"_

"Sawyer?"

Sawyer looked up to see Jack standing there.

"Um.." Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't want to alarm you, or anything...but...uh..."

Sawyer stood up. "What?"

"Um..." Jack jabbed his thumb over hs shoulder. "Ella...she's...eh...she's with Locke."

Sawyer looked back towards the beach. Sure enough, Ella was gone. "Shit." He swore, going over to where Jack had shown Locke to be. When they saw Locke, however, he was alone.

"Locke!" Sawyer called angrily.

Locke looked up from where he was sharpening a knife. "Yes, Sawyer?"

"Where is she?" He asked.

"Who?"

"Don't piss around with me, Locke, where's my daughter."

By now, Sawyer's loud voice had attracted most of the beach dwellers to congregate around them. "Sawyer, I-"

Ella jumped out from behind a rock. "Daddy, look at me! I'm a bad guy! Bang Bang!"

Sawyer's jaw dropped, and the rest of the crowd followed suit, when they saw that Ella's game of being a 'bad guy' involved holding a gun in her hands. _  
_


	7. Tumbling Dice

Most people on the beach had turned up now, and with the appearance of Ella with a gun, had fallen so silent that the sound of the waves further down the beach was drowned out only by Sawyer's heavy breathing. Sawyer turned to Locke with fire in his eyes. A few people physically backed away from him. Sawyer went and crouched infront of Ella, holding out his hands to her.

"Give it to me, Ella." He told her, his tone serious, an emotion no one thought Sawyer could display.

"Sawyer, relax, it isn't loaded." Locke defended.

"Shut up!" Sawyer yelled at him, then turned back to Ella. "Ella, give it to me." He repeated.

"But I'm a bad guy, Daddy!" She protested, holding it up infront of him. "Bang! Bang! Ba-"

But on the third bang, the gun went off for real, and a bullet was sent over Sawyer's shoulder and into the trees behind him. No sooner had the gun gone off, had a cry echoed behind them.

"Oh God." Jack said, running over into the trees to see who had been shot.

Ella dropped the gun, and screamed, bursting into tears. She looked terrified, and threw herself at Sawyer, who held her, while standing up to glare at Locke.

"It isn't loaded my ass!" He shouted.

"Sawyer-"

"No! You gave my kid a loaded gun!" Sawyer said. "She's two years old, and last time I checked, we weren't part of any Island Mafia!" If there had been a time on the island where Sawyer was angrier, no one had seen it. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"It had no cartridge in it." Locke said. "I emptied it."

"And what about the round left in it? You didn't think to take that one out!"

Kate stepped in, putting her hand on Sawyer's arm. "Sawyer!"

Sawyer shrugged her off. "She could have killed herself!" He shouted.

"Sawyer-" Kate continued, but again, he didn't listen.

"What did you think 'oh, I'm bored, nothing's happening, let's give a kid a gun and see what happens'? Are you insane?"

"Sawyer-"

Locke stepped in to defend himself, but Sawyer shook his head. "Nothing you can say can make up for this."

"SAWYER!" Kate yelled over him.

He stopped and turned to her. "What?"

"In case you haven't noticed, someone's been shot, and you're standing here yelling at Locke, which is scaring your daughter!" Kate said to him roughly. "Will you cut it out!"

Sawyer glared at Locke on final time, but then turned his back and stalked away to his tent. On his way, he passed Jack and Michael pulling the body from the trees. He was still alive, groaning from the bullet in his stomach.

"Wait a second..." Sawyer said, and doubled back to look at the man, sheilding Ella's eyes from the blood. "That's not anyone from our camp." He told Jack.


	8. Revelations

Jack put his fingers on the man's pulse. He shook his head and looked around him. "He's dead." Sawyer hid Ella's face against his shoulder, her crying blocking out any hopes of hearing what Jack had just said. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. His daughter, his two-year-old girl, had killed someone.

"Who is he?" Sawyer asked, opening his eyes and looking at the man.

Jack shrugged. "No idea."

Kate came running over and put a hand on the screaming Ella's back before standing beside Sawyer. She glaced at the dead man beside Jack, and screamed just as loud as Ella had. Her scream was full of fear, and Jack was instantly on his feet and standing before her, the now dead man completely forgotten. He put his hands on her shoulders to try and calm her down, but she kept screaming. Althought Kate had the occassional nightmare, or would fall unexpectedly out of a tree, she had never screamed like she did now. On top of Ella's crying, it brought so much chaos to Sawyer and Jack who were both trying to calm their girls down.

Finally, Kate's screams turned into hard sobs and she collapsed to her knees in the sand. Jack crouched beside her, and held her while she shook in his arms. He whispered words of comfort as she cried, and Sawyer rocked Ella in his arms, all the while watching Kate out of the corner of his eye. No one, not even Jack, had seen Kate show so much fear - especially infront of 40 other people. It was almost like she had been possessed.

"Jack!" Sawyer called over their cries, Jack looked up. "Neither of them are gonna say anything infront of all these people." He said, indicating around them. "Take her inside. We've gotta find out what happened to them out there!"

Kate made no move to follow Jack's coaxing, so he just lifted her up and followed Sawyer, back to his shelter. Sawyer sent another angry glare at Locke as he passed him, knowing that if it wasn't for Ella, he probably would have beaten the crap out of the old man. In fact, he made a mental note to attempt this later on.

"I'm not finished with you, baldie." He said bitterly when he passed him. He didn't look back to see Locke's expression.

He entered his shelter and sat down on the ground, not releasing Ella from his arms, and watched as Jack sat Kate down on Sawyer's bed. He strangely felt jealous when Kate clung to Jack as soon as he attempted to let her go, but he had his own girl to protect.

"Ells, come on baby, it's alright." He soothed softly. He could hear Jack's comforting of Kate but didn't glance in his direction. He just placed soft kisses on the side of Ella's head, and stroked her back gently. "I've got you, Ells, I've got you."

Her cries died down a little, and Sawyer smiled. "That's it, it's Ok now." He told her, and continued rubbing her back. She nodded, showing that she understood. "There we go." He said sweetly as her cries subsided. "All better, that's my little trooper."

Ella smiled as sweetly as she could manage with tears staining her cheeks, and gave Sawyer a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Sawyer grinned that special grin and wiped her tears away. Then came the question.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked. "Did I make you mad, Daddy?"

"No." He said firmly. "No, you didn't make me mad."

"Did Mr Locke make you mad?" Ella asked. Sawyer nodded. "Why?"

"Because he did something bad." He told her, wondering why he, of all people, was accusing someone of being bad.

"What did he do?" Ella asked. "Was it because we were playing bad guys and good guys?"

"Mr Locke put you in a lot of danger, Ella. I was scared." Sawyer said, stroking the back of her head and looking deep into the eyes that projected images of her mother into his head.

"What were you scared of?" She asked.

Sawyer forced himself not to get choked up as memories came flooding back to him.

_"What are you scared of, Sawyer?"_

_"Being a Dad."_

_"Don't worry, you'll do just fine."_

_"I sure hope so, Bree."_

"Daddy? What were you scared of?" Ella asked again.

Sawyer swallowed back the memory. "I was scared that you'd been hurt." He told her. "Guns are very very dangerous. They're not toys." He reminded her.

"But...Daddy, you gots one at home."

The words hit his ears like a train to a wrongly parked car. He avoided the stare that Jack gave him at those words. "Yes, I do." He said. "But I have it so that I can protect us. And the same rule goes here. No matter what, you never _ever _touch one of those again. Do you hear me?" His tone was forceful, but still gentle with her.

"Ok." She nodded.

"Promise me." He said to her.

"I promise." She said.

"He was one of them."

The voice made them turn, and they all saw Kate finally responding to them. Sawyer stood up, carring Ella over to where Jack and Kate sat side by side. He sat down on Kate's free side.

"The ones who took you?" Jack asked.

Kate nodded. "He chased us, when I left with Ella." She revealed. "I'm sorry, I led him here. I thought I lost him." She babbled, but Jack hushed her.

"It's ok, it's ok," He assured her. "Just tell us what happened, we'll figure out how to deal with this." He tempted her.

Kate was silent for a long time, not hearing the words around her, and finally responded.

"They were going to hurt them." She said, turning to Jack, and then to Sawyer. "They were doing tests on the children."


	9. What Happened Out There

If Sawyer hadn't been angry the first time that the Others out there had been planning on harming his baby girl, he most definately was now. Jack watched with a fascination as anger clouded over Sawyer's face, and had he not been completely sure that he was at no risk of this wrath, he would actually have admitted being scared. If Sawyer were a volcano, he would have erupted. The only thing that was stopping him from getting up and smashing everything in his sight was the little girl in his arms.

They were doing tests on her? What sort of sick, depraved thing was that? Stealing away a child and running tests on them?

"What do you mean, tests?" Sawyer asked of Kate.

"Kate, what happened out there?" Jack asked, considerably softer than Sawyer had done.

Kate took a deep shaky breath, and finally began to tell them what had happened when she disappeared in the jungle.

"I woke up and I was in this room. I wasn't alone. There was about twelve kids in there, Ella one of them. They were all scared, some crying, some just huddled together with others. They were complaining of hunger, they were dehydrated, some were desperately ill." Jack frowned at the mention of sick children, and he wondered why she hadn't attempted to bring more back, or told them where to go so that they could save more of them.

"It wasn't until a few hours later that they came. They took three of them, the sick ones, and then just left. Maggie, she was eight, she told me that once they went with them, they didn't come back to that room with them. She said that she'd been there for three years. I got talking to them, asked them their names, and how they came to be there. They all came from wrecks; plane crashes, shipwrecks off shore, one had been there for so long that she couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember what the sky looked like."

Kate seemed to have gone into her own little world as she told her story, like she was back in the room, seeing it all over again. Jack kept his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him partially for support as she spoke.

"The next day, they came and took two more. The children told me more about them. They said that they gave them injections in the back of their necks when they misbehaved, and that it caused them loads of pain before they were knocked out for hours. That was the day that Ella came and asked me how I got there. I told her I'd been in the plane crash, two months ago, and she asked me if I knew her Daddy. She said that his name was James, and that they were on a plane too, going to Los Angeles for her birthday."

A birthday that still needs celebrating, Sawyer remembered. Ella had been returned to him the day after her birthday.

"One day, I woke up, and all the children were gone. I managed to get out of the room, and I was on a beach. All the children were screaming, trying to get away from these people who were trying to hold them. I saw Ella. She bit the mans hand and she ran off into another building. I followed her, hoping to get her away whilst they weren't looking. I found her staring into this room, terrified. It was like they were going to perform an operation there. There was a bed, with all this medical equipment there, loads of knives and needles. In the corner there was a bed with a little boy on it. I went over to see if he was okay, and I thought he was asleep, but he wasn't. He was like a zombie."

Her shoulders quivered as tears started to fall down her cheeks, and her voice starting cracking under the pressure of remembering what was clearly a bad memory.

"I tried to get some response out of him, but he couldn't do anything. He couldn't move, he couldn't focus on anything, and then he looked at me, and his eyes rolled back into his head and he made his horrible sound." Kate let out a choked sob, and Jack comforted her. "He died in my arms." She told them. "Whatever it was that they were doing to them out there, it had killed him."

She cried for a minute, clinging onto Jack, and then composed herself to tell the rest of the story before Jack or Sawyer could interrupt.

"I just turned and ran away. I left him there, I picked Ella up, and ran into the jungle. Some of them chased me, but we hid, and I thought we lost them. Then the next day, we were here. But one of them must have followed me and found us...that man who just died."

Sawyer looked down at Ella, who wasn't paying any attention to what was happening around her, she was just playing with the hemline of his t-shirt sleeve. He placed a kiss on top of her forehead. If Kate hadn't gotten her out of there, it might have been her in that state, sick, zombified, dead...the thought sent a shiver up his spine.

He sat in silence for a long time, watching Ella's innocence whilst Jack concentrated on calming Kate. The light in Ella's curious eyes reminded him of Brianna, the loving mother she would never know. Bree had faith that Sawyer would be able to cope as Ella's father. She had assured him that he would do fine. He had never wanted Brianna alive more. He needed her there to just smile at him, tell him that he was doing all right, and that he would be able to carry on doing this. But he didn't have her doing that. There was no chance of her face appearing at the entrance of his shelter, so he had to protect Ella on his own.

He raised his head, and looked at Kate, who was sniffing with her head on Jack's shoulder.

"Kate...I need you to tell me where they are." He decided.

Her head snapped off Jack's shoulder and gave him a scared look. "What?" She asked in unison with Jack.

"I'm going there." He nodded.

"Don't be stupid." Jack told him.

"Au Contrare, Doc...I'm thinking clearly for once." Sawyer compromised. "Now, Freckles here just told us what happened out there, and I'm going to that place for two reasons. First of all, they took my baby and they were going to hurt her." He said bitterly, his fatherly instinct shining through possessively. "And secondly, there are still kids out there that they're planning to hurt."

Jack let out a heavy sigh. Who was he to tell Sawyer what he could or couldn't do. Even though the others saw him as a leader, Sawyer had always been infamous for defying Jack's wishes just to wind him up. With a reason like that behind him, wanting revenge for his daughters treatment, what chance did he stand trying to get him to stay?

His next thought went to the children. He was a doctor, sworn to help those in need of medical treatment. These children were malnourished, dehydrated, dying, and needed help; help that he could give them. This wasn't a simple kidnapping that was going on, as that had developed into something much more serious. This was now a matter of life or death.

"We're going to need a plan before we head out there." Jack said eventually.

"We?" Sawyer questioned.

"They took my girl too." Jack reminded him, gesturing to Kate. "And I'm not about to let you get killed out there when you've got someone back here who needs you."

Sawyer nodded. "Well, then, we'd best get started on a plan."


	10. Be Careful

**I'm back! Well, I haven't been anywhere, I just haven't updated. I want to get this story finished soon, so there should be more updates more frequently than usual. This is for Emma, who bugged me and bugged me to update this. I told her I would do it when she went home...which was July, so I thought I'd do it now...in October. See, great time-keeping I've got. A lot of people have asked me whether there is any romance in this story. NO there isn't. It's simply Sawyer and his daughter, and his friendships developing with the other castaways because of Ella and what his role to her brings out in him.**

Sawyer had resisted the temptation to march off into the jungle after the people who had mistreated his daughter. Temptation was still there though, every time he looked at Ella, which was a lot.

Now, he was glad for the fact that Ella was sleeping in his lap, worn out from a long morning of running circles around her father, and it didn't help that Kate had started to spur her on either, planting ideas into her head. The two were conspiring against him, and it was the classic scenario of being ganged up on by two girls.

If Ella hadn't been sleeping, he probably would have marched off into the jungle. But instead, he was sat on the top end of the beach, in the shade to keep cool from the midday sun, photograph in his hand. Sometimes, he wished that this photograph he held was of Brianna, so that in some way, he knew that she was there. However, it was taken on Ella's first birthday.

Ella was clapping her hands together with happiness as she looked over a cake, with pink icing and a lone pink candle in the shape of a '1'. Sawyer was crouched beside her, looking equally happy. Some people told him that it was the happiest they had seen him since Brianna had died. He couldn't even remember who had taken the photo, because they had mailed it to him shortly after getting the film developed. He might have been doing okay as a single dad, but he still forgot the camera on Ella's first birthday.

It took him back to a day, not long before they had boarded the Oceanic flight together. A day, where the question he had been putting off for as long as possible, had surfaced.

_"Daddy, where's my Mommy?"_

_He thought he had misheard it at first. Maybe it was something he had heard through the television? No, they wouldn't say that on the evening news he was sure. In fact, he wasn't even sure the television was on. No, Ella was colouring at the kitchen table, and the television was in the other room._

_"What?" He asked, making sure that he wasn't hearing what he thought he was hearing._

_"In the story, Sleeping Beauty hads a mommy and a daddy." She explained, showing her father the illustration in the book he had brought her that morning. "Have I got a mommy too?"_

_He sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead with his hand. He hadn't wanted this day to come so soon. He still wasn't over losing Brianna, and the pain was still there everyday. _

_"Ella, come here." He said softly, and the little girl jumped down off her chair and came over to him. He lifted her into his lap, where he had sat down on the opposite side of the table eating the dinner she had long since finished. "Ella, baby, you've got a mommy." He started._

_"Where is she?" Ella always asked questions, and he knew that now she would ask more than ever._

_"She...she can't be with us, darlin'." He said, skirting around the issue of death. _

_"Why?" Okay, maybe he couldn't skirt around it._

_"When you were born," He told her, "Mommy got sick, so the angels came to take her away."_

_"Somewhere nice?"_

_"Somewhere very nice." He hoped._

_"Is she in Heaven, like Larry?" Ella asked._

_Sawyer nodded, still wondering why she had named her goldfish Larry. "Yeah, the angels took her to heaven."_

_"Does she like it?"_

_"I sure hope so." He said, smoothing her hair behind her ears. "It's somewhere she can be happy all the time, and she can watch us."_

_"So, she can see us?"_

_"Yeah," Sawyer confirmed. "She makes sure that nothing bad happens to us."_

_"Oh." She said simply. Nothing else, just 'oh'. He wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. He could see her thinking, and sure enough, she had found something else to ask. "Does she love me like you do?"_

_Sawyer nodded firmly, more sure of that than anything he had just told her. "She loves you more than anything in the world." He told her, certain that wherever Brianna was, she loved their daughter unconditionally._

_Again, Ella thought about this for a moment, and nodded to herself. She kneeled up on Sawyer's lap, and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I don't think I mind not having a mommy." She told him. "I've got a great daddy."_

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Claire's greeting broke through his thoughts, and Sawyer looked up as the young mother sat down beside him, smiling with her baby in her arms.

"That all they're worth these days?" He smirked at her.

She laughed slightly. "You looked like you were thinking about something serious." She observed.

"Yeah, I guess I was." Sawyer nodded, slipping the photograph into his back pocket without Claire seeing what was on it. She was curious about it though. She had always wondered what he kept that he always looked at with a far-off gaze. "So, mamacita, what can I do you for?" He asked her. "Or are we part of a mother and toddler group?"

"I hear you're going out there again." Claire said bluntly. "Back to where she was kept."

Sawyer simply looked at her. "I see you got the morning news then."

"What if something bad happens out there?"

"The only bad thing that's gonna happen is that I'm gonna have one heck of a bloodshed on my hands." He said simply, no remorse for what he was planning to do.

"And what if something goes wrong?" Claire asked, paying no attention to the fact that he was intending to kill several men. "Who will be here for Ella if you don't come back?"

He looked down at his daughter. Claire had a point, though he wouldn't admit that. If something went wrong, there would be no one here to look after his daughter. Sure, they'd feed her and stuff, but they weren't her parents. He was. He was her father, and he was supposed to do that.

But as her father, he was also supposed to protect her.

"I lost her once, I can't risk it again." He said quietly.

Claire looked at him desperately. "Sawyer, I went charging into the jungle to look for a cure for Aaron that I never found." She reminded him. "The whole time, I kept wondering what would have happened to Aaron if I hadn't come back."

"Well, that don't matter, 'cause you came back, and so will I." He said lightly.

"I know you need to protect her." She adknowledged. "But is this really the right way?"

Sawyer looked at her for a moment, taking in the concerned lines that covered her forehead, and the pleading look in her eyes. "You worried about me, Mama bear?" He teased her.

She gave him a gentle smile, and got to her feet. "Just don't get hurt out there, okay?"

He smirked. "Talk about taking the fun out of life."

She knew he was joking, but she still looked back at him as she started to walk away. "I'm serious, Sawyer." She told him. "Be careful."

Sawyer watched her walk away, and then realised one very important flaw in his plan of marching off into the jungle.

"Claire!" She turned around. "Listen, um...when we're gone, I was thinking...could you...you know?" He asked, nodding down at Ella.

"Are you asking me to babysit?" She asked him.

He sighed. "Yeah."

Claire thought for a moment. "On the condition that you come back alive and that I can have more toothpaste, yeah, I'll babysit."

She went off again, and Sawyer looked down at his daughter again. They were leaving that night, and he was suddenly terrified that he might never see his daughter again.


	11. Bye, Bye, Baby

**Okay, once again, we can thank Toxic-beetle for this update. She makes me write. She really does keep me in line. Without her, I think I'd be hiding in a cave, fearful of keyboards.**

Chapter 11:

Sawyer was crouched in the sand, making it stick to the knees of his jeans. Of course, considering the demin was already laced with the remains of dried mud that just wouldn't shift, as well as some other stains that he'd picked up from fruit juices that wouldn't leave, this didn't bother him much. He had Ella standing before him, and Claire was standing next to her, watching the interaction between Sawyer and his daughter.

Ella was watching the group that was currently heaving on backpacks filled with water, and, more interestingly, the guns. "Daddy, where are you going?" She asked in a suspicious voice.

"We're just going for a walk." He told her.

She smiled. "Can I come?"

"No." He said, shaking his head, and her face fell.

"Why?" She whined.

"'Cause it's just for grown ups." He explained to her, glancing back and seeing Sayid starting to look impatient. He didn't know why. If it bothered him that much, he could stay behind.

"I can be a grown up!" Ella insisted, tugging on his sleeve as if it was going to help her.

Sawyer sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry, Princess, but I need you to stay with Claire."

Ella looked down at the sand, and Sawyer nipped her underneath the chin with her finger, raising her face so that he could smile at her, assuring her she was in no trouble. "Will you be back for dinner?" She asked him.

"I don't know." He answered honestly. He didn't want to tell her that he'd be back if he wouldn't be. She was exactly like her mother in that way. If he said he'd be somewhere and then he wasn't, he would never hear the end of it.

"I'll eat the boar." She persuaded. At the moment, she still thought that she was eating special island bacon.

"I don't know, Princess." He said, shaking his head.

"Pwease?"

Okay, that was it. She pulled out the big guns. The puppy dog eyes. She gave Sawyer her best, well-practiced pout, and her watery eyes looked up at him pleadingly. It was this look that was to blame for the amount of stuffed animals she had back home.

Rising above the look, Sawyer sighed. "Ella, sweetheart, I'm going to be back as soon as I can. But Daddy needs you to do something very important. I need you to stay here, where it's safe, and be a very good girl for Claire, can you do that for me?"

Ella dropped the pout, and nodded her head. "Okay."

Sawyer let her give him a watery kiss on the lips, and he hugged her close. "I love you, Princess."

--------------------------------------------

"Right, let's hit the road." Sawyer announced as he came up to the group of men.

Sayid nodded, and turned to the rest of the group, which consisted of Jack, Kate and Locke. Sawyer wasn't happy about Locke coming, but he insisted. None of them were happy about Kate coming, but she was the only one who knew the way to the camp they were heading too.

"First of all, we should go through the plan again." Sayid insisted, his hands on his hips.

"Can we do it on the way?" Sawyer complained. "I've got some stuff to take care of, Mohammed."

"They might be watching us." Sayid pointed out.

"Good." Sawyer grinned falsely. "Then they'll see how pissed off I am."

"If they know we are coming, they will know we have left your daughter behind in a vulnerable camp." Sawyer stopped, whipping his head around to Sayid with fire burning behind his blue eyes. "Which is why we must be a quiet, and maintain a considerable effort of stealth at all times."

Sawyer rounded on Sayid, stepping closer to him. "You think I'd do something to put my daughter's life in danger?" He asked threateningly.

"No." Sayid said, locking Sawyer's gaze with his own, and not backing down. "I simply understand that you are a father, and I fear you would resort to rash decisions, that may cause harm to the other survivors, to ensure your child's safety."

"You got a kid, Captain Desert Storm?" Sawyer challenged.

"No, I do not." Sayid answered him.

"Then you don't understand, do you?"

Without saying another word, or casting another glance back to the beach behind him, he set off into the jungle. The others were powerless to try and stop him, so simply followed him, hoping for the best.

------------------------------

The sun was just starting to set, and Ella was making sandcastles in the area of sand on the edge of Claire's shelter. Beside her was Aaron's cradle, where the baby was sleeping peacefully, and Claire was sat beside her, helping her with the sandcastle.

"Is Daddy coming yet?" Ella asked, scanning the treeline for any sight of Sawyer.

Claire followed her gaze, even though they had only been gone for two hours at the most. "I'm sure he'll be back soon." She assured, unsure of what else to say.

"He said he might not be here for dinner." Ella said simply, and Claire wasn't sure whether or not she was complaining about it, or accepting it.

"Well," She bargained. "If Daddy's not back by then, you can have dinner with me and Aaron." She suggested.

Ella nodded, and went back to her castle for a few moments. Yet not a minute had passed before she was asking questions again. "Is Kate Jack's girlfriend?" She asked.

Claire smiled softly. "Yes, she is."

Ella nodded again, trickling sand between her fingers. "I think Daddy wants her to be his girlfriend."

"Maybe so." Claire commented innocently. She wasn't going to get into the dramatics of the Sawyer-Jack-Kate love triangle with an infant.

"I don't want her to be his girlfriend." Ella shook her head, patting the sand in place.

"No?"

She shook her head another time, stubbornly. "Daddy said that I'm the only girl in his life."

Claire smiled. "If Daddy had a girlfriend, he wouldn't love you any less, Ella." She assured the girl.

"I know." She said. "He said that. I just don't want Kate to be his girlfriend." She decided, like the whole thing was her decision. Of course, judging from how Sawyer let her control their day, it probably would be.

Claire frowned. "Why not? Don't you like Kate?"

"Yeah. Kate's my friend." Ella told her with a smile. "Kate can't be Daddy's girlfriend because she was my friend first." She explained.

Of course, Sawyer had known Kate longer than Ella, but Kate had given Ella a lot of hope for finding her father on the other side of the island, so she supposed that she must understand Sawyer to have not met her until afterwards.

Claire laughed at this. "I guess you're right." She nodded.

"You can't be Daddy's girlfriend too." She decided, warning Claire. "You're my friend too."

Claire inwardly laughed at the idea. "You're my friend as well, Ella." She smiled warmly at the infant, and then shrugged her shoulders. "You never know, you might be Aaron's girlfriend when you're older."

Ella raised an eyebrow at her, and then stared at Aaron suspiciously. Then, she casually went back to her sandcastle. "As long as he doesn't break my dollies." She said in a warning tone.


End file.
